"I Wish I Was a Writer"

During my college years my friends and I looked with awe at a woman who chased around nine children and still took time to welcome hordes of students into her home. Those who called her mother were far more than her nine children.

One friend mentioned that she always felt an inferiority complex around this woman when she thought of having her own children until one day she realized that even this matronly saint at one point had to start with her first child. Even the ultimate mother had a rough start at first.

The same is true for writers. All writers start off as awkward, clunky, and intimidated. Stephen King filled up a spike with all of his rejection letters. The key for published writers is they not only started, they kept at it.

Keeping in mind that we all need to start somewhere, perhaps some great would-be writers need to dive into the elementary or adolescent years of awkward, underdeveloped writing in order to unlock the potential they have stored within them. Set small goals and keep building them. Don’t give up if the magic does not happen right away!

I am continually surprised to see how my own writing has changed over the past two years. Each little accomplishment paves the way for another step. Each day of writing encourages me to try again tomorrow.

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Writing Reality Check

Barbara Ehrenreich brings the world of writing down from the clouds into the hard earth of reality. Her best advice: start small. For example:

“More to the point, most books don’t start as books. They evolve from humbler efforts such as magazine articles, doctoral dissertations, even op-eds or blogs. If you find yourself saying “I could write about a book about it,” start by writing something far shorter. If you can’t get that published — as an op-ed, for example — you’re not ready for a book. Correction: you may be ready, but an agent or editor isn’t going to pay much attention to an entirely unpublished writer.”

Writing It Down Immediately

Revisions are an important part of writing. The more we understand revisions, the more we can enjoy the early stages of writing when an idea may be fresh and new, but unwieldy and awkward. Revisions give us the freedom to write down an idea or an entire piece as quickly as possible before we lose the edge.

Even if the words fall flat when they first step onto the page, it is important to let them loose. Push them all out as fast as possible, and let them settle in. Revisions will correct all wrongs.

Depending on the project, there typically is a need for some time to pass between the first draft and the finished product. For a blog it may be 5-10 minutes, for an article a few days may be needed–at least one night to sleep on it–and in the case of a novel many writers recommend 5-6 weeks.

Once the idea is down, you’ve saved it. It’s backed up and can never be lost. It’s a lump of clay that is prepared for the potter. Celebrate that small victory and prepare for the next step.

Eavesdropping

Many writers advocate that simply eavesdropping on other conversations is one of the best ways to learn how to write dialog. Finding a cafe, restaurant, or other public place can be a great way to study these every day interactions.

Teenagers have provided some of my favorite lessons on writing dialog. Their excessive volume makes them easy to hear and their excessive drama provides a wide range of emotions and situations. I never integrate such conversations into a story, but I hear them in my mind while writing similar dialog.

The Chronicle of Sally, the Lonely Dental Hygienist

The other day a handsome fellow named Hank came into the office. He was courteous, cheerful, and most importantly “hannnndsome.” I prodded Cecily our receptionist with my pick to let her know that Suzie didn’t have a chance cleaning Hank’s teeth. Hunky Hank will be all mine.

I sat in the hygienist chair gripped in anticipation. I nibbled my nails, tapped my foot, and constantly yanked and tugged at my scrubs to make them look neat and professional. Secretly I prayed that Hank just ate a Snickers bar or something gewy and gross. Or better yet, maybe he doesn’t even know what floss is. Now that will give me plenty of time to work on that mouth of his.

Cecily leaned out of her squat reception area and glared. It’s time. Is Hank the one? I wonder how he feels about dogs or even having kids? Does he support gun control? Vote Republican? Drink with the boys on Friday night? Watch Nascar on Sundays?

With the clipboard as my shield I enter the waiting room. Hank is comfortably reading a Time magazine. Now that’s a good sign. He’s literate and informed on current events. Staring, I let out a small sigh pass to the mortification of Cecily who begins to make faint gagging noises.

“Hi Hank!” I say with the broadest smile I can muster that shows off my magnificent white teeth. “I’m Sally and I’ll be cleaning your teeth before Dr. Swinkbottom gives them the once over.”

Returning a kind smile, Hank rose and walked toward me. I extended my hand and he gave a firm handshake that left me entire body paralyzed. My grip hardened, a hint of panic showed in Hank’s eye, and then Cecily slammed a book on the ground to rouse my fluttering mind. I haven’t felt like this in ages. I mean, it must be, well, over a week at least.

Hank took a seat in the chair and I swiftly laid him back, elevated the seat, and arranged the light on his teeth. To my immediate chagrin he had immaculate teeth that I would be able to clean in five minutes. Floss? Yes. Candy bar? No. How am I supposed to begin a relationship if he has perfect teeth?

While laying my tools out, I noticed that Hank kept his left hand conspicuously hidden in his left pocket. “So, he wants to play hard to get?” I said to myself. I decided then and there that for the sake of love and our happy future together I must draw this out. I needed at least 30 minutes to win Hank’s heart and that meant the teeth cleaning of his life. Of course if that fails I wrote my phone number on the back of his complementary toothbrush.

A Theologian on Writing

It’s no secret that theologians can be fairly bad, if not horrible writers. One of the exceptions to that rule is Tony Jones of “Theoblogy.” Jones lists his writing habits in a recent post. I think every writer can benefit by incorporating these basic rules of writing.

For a more thorough treatment of these practices, I recommend: On Writing Well by Zinsser and of course the Elements of Style: two must-reads for every writer. Check that. They are must not only be read but practiced.

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Chiselville 2.25.07

Chapter Four

Tom of course had none of these things. With his back to the paneled wall of his cafe, he dipped a brillo pad into an old yellowed tupper ware bowl. The oversized price tags refused to peal off cleanly from the plastic lawn furniture he intended to use in the café seating area. Tom couldn’t resist a sale at Wal-Mart.

The door knob swiveled slightly, a loud creaking, and then a pause as the door snagged onto the freshly laid industrial carpet. A loud thud sent the door swinging open.

A slim brunette with short, styled hair stumbled into the room along with the door. Recovering herself, she closed the door and walked over to Tom.

“Well, I’m here. No need to stop what you’re doing.”

“Thanks Mary,” mumbled Tom as he continued with his work. “How are yah hon?”

“Well, since you asked, I’m a little flustered right now.”

“Oh?”

“Didn’t you see how I practically had to throw myself at the door just to walk in here? Do you expect your customers to body slam themselves against the door every time they want to com in?”

“It’s fine Mary. You’ve gust had a hard time because you wear those impractical heels. What are they, two, three inches high?”

“Wait, you’re blaming the door on my high heels?”

“People in Vermont wear clogs, Birken Stocks, and hiking boots. They don’t get so uptight about pushing a door open because they have good balance.”

“Tom, I’m not wearing clogs with my new business suit from Jones of New York. Just fix the door.”

“OK, you win,” sighed Tom. “I’ll get to it.” Tom furiously scrubbed away at the same chair that had been the center of his attention since long before Mary stumbled in.

“When?”

“I don’t know Mary. Before I open this Saturday.”

“Do you realize that your menu isn’t up, there are labels on most of these cheap chairs, and you have an entire corner of the store filled up with Aunt Emmie’s junk?”

“Antiques,” cut in Tom. Keep her on the antiques, she can dig into that he thought. Just don’t mention the art.”

“Forget them, my point is you don’t look very prepared for business. Do you even have an artist lined up for your gallery?”

Shoot.

Chiselville 2.19.07

We pick up with Chuck and Melinda at the Chamber of Commerce Office:

Looking up from the empty glass, Melinda raised her voice so Chuck could hear her in the next office over, “How about we go out for a drink once we close up? I’ll pick up dinner after that.”

“I don’t know Mel, I get tired of sipping overpriced drinks at dimly lit bars.”

“We could stop by the Chinese place. They have spotlights all over the bar.”

“Right, and smell that nasty raw fish,” said Chuck.

“Alright,” replied Melinda, “No bar tonight. I can’t wait until that café opens in town. Maybe I can at least drag you there.”

“Oh, the one run by the flatlander,” said Chuck with a snicker.

“At least he’s got a nice location.”

“Look, he doesn’t understand Vermont, not to mention the people of Chiselville. He’ll be lucky to make a nickel off the place. I give him 9 months.”

“Oh Chuck, don’t say that.”

“Alright, alright, I give him a year and my best wishes that he has a lot of cash in the bank or a rich, childless uncle on life support.”

Carry a Notebook at All Times

An enthusiastic cross-country skier told us that he always carries his skis around in his car so that he is always ready to ski whenever the moment presents itself. The same is usually true for serious photographers, who have a camera handy wherever they find themselves.

For a serious writer there is every reason to emulate this by carrying a small notebook and a decent pen at all times. I find that my lunch break at work is one of my best times for writing. It helps to have a limited amount of time. My motivation to write is very high.

You quite simply never know when a good idea will strike. I usually have a pad next to my bed and carry a journal in my brief case throughout the day. I’m rarely far from my journal.