I was far from the most conservative student at my nondenominational evangelical seminary.
Yet, I hit a point where I realized that my faith would crumble if I remained rooted in a conservative theological system that emphasized the boundary markers of knowledge, rigid morality, and a sense of duty or obligation over the life-changing power of Jesus through the Holy Spirit at the center of our faith.
Perhaps the more easy-going and fluid faith traditions on the Christian left could result in a bunch of lukewarm people who reduced their faith to punch card Christianity, but I could see the dangers on the conservative side that had a form of godliness while denying its power. It would have been all too easy to focus on theological concepts and controlling aspects of the faith that would have let me down in spectacular fashion.
I once had a pastor who often quipped about conservative Christians, “You either become a mystic or an atheist.”
It’s a hyperbole that would make plenty of conservative Christians break out in hives. They certainly don’t want to become atheists, but being mystics isn’t any great shakes for them either.
It’s easy to equate conservative Christianity with a drab Bible church presided over by an angry, sweating preacher in a cheap suit screaming about God’s judgment. We can also make the mistake of thinking Christian mystics are miserable religious fanatics sitting in a stone cell in a burlap sack as they lament their guilt and ponder the crucifixion in gory detail.
Neither of those options sounds appealing!
As quick as we are to dispel such stereotypes of conservative Christians and mystics, I have seen enough conservative Christians leave the faith because their theology and practices couldn’t sustain them. A bit of mysticism wouldn’t have hurt.
I’m in a season of life where I’m helping my kids become more aware of God so they can develop their own relationship with God. I am very much aware that I want their faith to be rooted in the mystery and presence of God in their lives that is based on God’s love and grace.
You could say it’s mysticism lite.
Although I am concerned about my kids turning their religious practice into a Sunday morning punch card system, I am perhaps more concerned about them being sucked into the rules and certainty of conservative Christianity that promises a lot of things it can’t deliver if they submit to its controlling systems that generate fear and anxiety.
This anxiety and disappointment hit me hard in my 20’s, and it hit quite a few others hard as well. In the early 2000’s, we were deconstructing, emerging, and endlessly critiquing the religious systems that promised neat and tidy religion in the face of life’s chaos and uncertainty.
I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t always deconstructing or critiquing in healthy ways, but they were honest and real based on what I was presented vs. what I experienced.
It’s the temptation of formulaic religion that turns our practices into an equation where doing certain things or believing certain things will lead to specific promised outcomes of peace, hope, joy, security, etc. This overlooks the unpredictable realities of life that defy simple explanations of God ordering everything in our lives to one specific purpose that ultimately brings us prosperity and peace.
Overly simple beliefs cause far more problems than they solve. At first, a seemingly airtight belief system may be extremely appealing, but over time, it can’t hold up in the daily grind of life and the highs and lows that can shake one’s faith loose.
Anyone can practice the simple spirituality of the Christian faith, but it’s not possible to easily explain the complexities of life or the mysteries of God. When we run into mystery, we can’t fill in the gaping voids of life with platitudes we could carve into a hunk of wood or paint onto a coaster.
I am sure there are many paths to atheism, but the one I am most familiar with is from the fragile certainty of airtight Christian conservatism to the seeming exhale of becoming an atheist. Curiously, some are able to become atheists with a sigh of relief that they are free from a life-sucking religious system. Others adopt a kind of fundamentalist/evangelical style atheism that is sure of itself and eager to convert others.
Whatever shape one’s atheism takes, I’ve seen enough of people getting crushed by rules, judgment, fear, and power struggles in the conservative end of American Christianity (most likely white American Christianity), to know we have a problem on our hands.
Our seeming strength of conviction and doctrinal rigidity often attempts to overcompensate for our barren branches that could be nourished by the vine and carry the fruits of the Spirit. Christians have Jesus at the center as our vine that sustains us, but we lose sight of our source of life when we turn our primary attention to maintaining boundaries like doctrinal particulars.
If Jesus is the center and we focus on him, then we will find new life and renewal that we can share with others. If our time is consumed by maintaining the rigid particulars that make up the boundaries of conservative Christianity, we’ll soon become exhausted by its combative, defensive siege mentality where a fragile faith cannot stand without our vigilance.
The vine and the branches is reduced to a theological concept, rather than a life-giving lesson from Jesus.
There are many other paths toward losing one’s faith, but I worry the most about this one because it is not understood by those most likely to go down it.
I imagine someone tuning a guitar by tightening the strings over and over again. No matter high the notes go, the solution is to turn the knobs tighter. It’s true that strings may need to be tightened sometimes, but there are moments when tension must be loosened as well.
At a certain point, people who are turned tighter and tighter with rigid doctrines are going to snap. When they do, the conservatives around them will often say, “They only snapped because they weren’t rigid enough!”
And so, they become more rigid once again, until another person snaps.
Ed Cyzewski: Author // Contemplative 